Trip to Costco

So today I left work a little early so I could go home and study. On my way I stopped by Costco to pick up some wash cloths because for some reason all of ours have disappeared. I grabbed my wash cloths and called Zig to see if he needed anything while I was there. He asked if I could look for something quick and easy to make for dinner. Poor guys has not only had to make me dinner every night, but he also spends about 20mins throwing out options which I immediately shoot down. Food is just gross to me. Well Zig's request turned out to be a huge mistake. I left Costco with out a single item to help Zig with dinner. Instead, I left with a container of jelly beans, gummi bears, 100 calorie chip snack pack, propel water, some frozen fruit, chocolate milk, and the immense desire to consume a huge container of nachos and maybe some salt and vinegar chips. I have not had any cravings at all this whole pregnancy. I am lucky if I can even consume a whole meal without getting grossed out mid meal, so this was huge! My wonderful amazing husband got me some delicious gas station nachos and I devoured the entire thing. Amazing. I feel like crap now, but it was oh so worth it. I didn't get my vinegar chips, which turned out to be a good thing. I will save those for another day...maybe breakfast tomorrow. If I had find them at Costco today, I probably would have ripped the bag open mid aisle and eaten the entire thing.

On another note, I got absolutely no studying done today. Instead I came home from Costco and passed out from a gummi bear induced coma on the couch. Tomorrow is the day. I have 2 weeks 1 day and 7 chapters of homework to do. Cram City here I come!

9 weeks 3 days...We have fetus!

So we had an appointment with the doctor today, but there is not a whole lot to update. She didn't check for a heartbeat today, because it is still too early to hear it on the doppler, but we will check it at the next appointment. She was going to order another u/s but then remembered that we had one 2 weeks ago and since I am no longer a "threatened miscarriage," she didn't see a point on having another one so soon. She is still worried about my fluid levels and wants me to focus on that more than on what I am eating. I lost 2 lbs from my last appointment, but she is not worried. I am supposed to eat 5-6 small meals a day, but right now I am averaging about 3 small meals. My gag reflux is the worst! I am feeling a little better though. I am still constantly nauseated. Wonder what I would feel like if I wasn't taking the meds! I was actually able to get up and actually come into the office today, not that I had a choice. In hopes to get some studying in, I will be working from 7-3 everyday. We will see how that goes. I only have 2 1/2 weeks till I take my test and till we leave for IRELAND!!

Anyway, here is what baby is up to this week!

"Your little embryo has now officially graduated to fetus-hood. Adding to the excitement, a Doppler ultrasound device might be able to pick up the beating heart. With basic physical structures in place and increasingly distinct facial features, baby is kind of starting to look like... well... a baby!"

Man do I miss my martinis....

Anyone know where patience comes from...

My whole life I have been the type to get very impatient very quickly. Ask anyone that knows me, who has seen me loose it. I remember getting so worked up that I would be on the brink of homicide. In traffic, whoa, don't get me started, I have seriously contemplated running idiots off the road. But something is happening. I can still get frustrated, but it takes WAY more to get under my skin...how? I need to know. It is actually driving me crazy how all of a sudden I am cool with what used to make me damn near have a nervous break-down. How is this possible? I am not going so far as to say that violence inflicted upon those who deserve it is out of the question, but man this whole taking life easy is AWESOME. My poor wife is sick. She is so sick, she is sick of being sick. I feel so helpless. I wish I could take it away. But I find amidst all the whining, that I am not bugged in the slightest. I am not even irritated by the constant get me this, get me that. Normally I would probably say something. I would probably be talking to myself the whole way to and from the grocery store, while I am cooking, and especially while I am cleaning. I guess knowing I have a mini-Z on the way is making all the crap in my head go away!!! I love it, because being impatient is such a loser thing to do.

I just hope it holds up for baby! Bye all, wish me luck!!!

PS. I LOVE YOU MICHELE, HANG IN THERE. PAPA'S HERE!

A little shout out

I have to give a shout out to my amazing husband. Thank you for putting up with my constant whining and laziness. I don't think he has seen me get up and move around for over a week now. When he gets home I am on the couch and I only get up to move to bed. I am pretty much worthless. Without you, I probably would not eat dinner or drink water. Thank you for doing all the cleaning, cooking and grocery shopping. You are quite the caretaker! I hope I am back to normal soon. I owe you big time! I love you!

8 weeks 4 days...

Oh water....how I miss thee. I feel so dehydrated. I used to drink at least 64oz of water a day, at least. Now I am lucky if I drink 8 oz of any fluid. The thought of water makes me queasy. I have tried ginger ale, crystal light, juices, Gatorade, any type of fluid, but they are all way to sweet. I have tried watering them down, and still they make me nauseated. Last night, Zig got some lemons and forced me to drink a large glass of water, and at first it was great. I was totally loving the lemon, until the heartburn set in...God I am such a complainer. I just hate feeling sick and now I feel like I have a 24 hour, everyday hangover. I can't wait till food sounds good again and when just thinking about it doesn't make me gag. I did get some meds from my doctor and at first they worked awesome, but they tend to give me head aches. Boo. I am still trying to keep up with taking them because they do help and they don't make me sleepy. I am just very lucky that this week I have no staff and am able to work from home. Sitting on the couch cuddled up with a blanket and the dogs is the perfect rx for me right now. Anyway...here is what baby is up to this week!

"Your baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy. "

Only a few more weeks left in first tri. I am hoping that I am one of the lucky ones whose morning sickness goes away after the first 13 weeks or so. Here is to praying...

Sick...

That is what I am. Super sick. Yesterday I sat on my couch all day long and the only reason I got up was to go to the bathroom or make something to force myself to eat. It is a terrible feeling this morning sickness. My doctor gave me a prescription to help with the nausea on Monday and we filled it yesterday after work. It knocked me out cold. I took half a pill this morning and passed out for another hour and a half after just having a full 10 hours of sleep. She wrote the rx with the intention that it would help me get through the day without gagging, but at this rate I will sleep through the whole pregnancy. I just called back to see if there is an alternantive that won't make me so sleepy. Cross your fingers!

Whew...7w3d

Huge sigh of relief. So we had a rough week last week after we got the results from my blood work. I didn't want to write another post until we had some good news. Long story short, my betas did not double like they were supposed to and the nurse who called told me that I was likely not having a viable pregnancy and that when I started bleeding I should go to the ER. I freaked out. My only blessing was that Jenn, Dan and Ryan came in town over the weekend and all of our families kept me from thinking about it too much. The bitch nurse scheduled a follow up u/s for today, and my BFF nurse Pamela who called and consoled me Friday said that if it was a viable pregnancy we would see a heartbeat or at least a fetal pole today. Well, guess what...we saw both! It was so amazing. Baby is just a tiny blob on the screen, but seeing that tiny heart beating was indescribable. Today we were measuring 6w6d, however my doctor is keeping our due date based on my LMP, so I am officially 7w3d pregnant! We are not out of the clear yet, but seeing that heartbeat made it real. So for your viewing pleasure, here is Baby Zig!!!! The picture didn't scan all that great. The angle shows both baby and the yolk sac, so the u/s tech added some arrows. How cool!

Also, here is what baby is up to, or will be up to by the end of the week!


"Baby's brain -- both hemispheres! -- is growing fast, generating about 100 new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!) is now in place. "

Hormones part duex

Reading my dear husbands post below, I think he sugar coated it just a little bit! I feel like a crazy up and down kinda gal these days. It's true, one moment I will be happy and the next I can be full of tears. I am just grateful that he has been by my side because he has been such a positive support system in my life. Actually all of our family has been. I am the one is Negative Nelly. So lately, since it seems like I have been really negative about this whole experience, I wanted to quote something my husband said to me in an email earlier today, because it made a pretty huge impact in my attitude.


"We should stop worrying about what “might” happen and just worry about what “is” happening (or what is actually worth worrying about)…I support you 100% all the time, but I don’t want the joy of our new addition to be clouded by the what if’s!!! It just takes away from the whole thing."


So from this point forward that is exactly what I will try and do. I will no longer constantly dwell on what might be happening inside my body and I will no longer worry about the possibility of losing the baby. Yes, 10-15% of pregnancies will end in miscarriage, but you know what 85-90% result in a healthy pregnancy. That's a huge number and I will no longer be the statistic. I will still be honest about how I am feeling and what is going on inside my crazy mind because really that is the point of this blog. We want to look back and see all the hard times and all the great moments so we can remember what we went through and how hard we worked for the baby. This is what we wanted and I know it is going to be hard. Even though it doesn't seem like it now, I am so excited for what's to come. And if I have to throw up every day just to be rewarded one day with being able to hold my baby, then it was all worth it! But I will no longer worry about the "what ifs". We are having a baby, this is our time.


PS...in case you were wondering about our banisters, here is the finished product!

Doesn't it look awesome.

Hormones

So I have heard from several people that hormones are a big part of pregnancy. Well, from my perspective they are HUGE. I can't imagine going from happy-go-lucky, to sad, to hungry, to nauseous, back to sad, and ending on tired. I would be screaming..."LET ME OFF THIS ROLLER COASTER". For such a special time in your life, why the torment.

My wife, she's a rock. She is a little bit of a worrier, but I don't care I love her. From the sideline, it looks like she is getting a hormone butt kicking. And she could just as soon be whining me to death, instead, my wonderful wife charges ahead and deals with it...she's going to be the perfect mother!

Me on the other hand, I need some help. I have a master plan to turn the backyard into the largest jungle gym anyone has ever seen, but I am battling the layout...some say I divert when I'm nervous...I don't know what they are talking about. As far as handling the hormones...so far a cake walk. All I have to do is just offer support, and it's all better...for me anyway, not sure about Michele.

Gotta go, tons left at work to do...

On another note...

I think the morning sickness, or as I like to call it the "all freaking damn day" sickness, has started. It all started on Friday when the texture of my yogurt had me gagging at my desk. Then Saturday while brushing my teeth, horrifying! Yesterday, after I left Mom and Robert's I felt like I got hit by a truck, super achy and the thought of any food or drink made my stomach churn. Today, not so bad. I find that even if the the thought of food repulses me, if I just get something in my stomach, life gets a whole lot better! It's like a really bad hangover, less the satisfaction of drinking that delcious dirty martini to cause it. I just pray that what it is now, is as bad as the AFDD sickness is going to get, because this I can manage. Anymore and I will be spending the next 9 months in bed with my two snuggle monkies and I don't think my work will like that too much!

6 Weeks??

Ok, so honestly, I have no clue how far along I am. Based on my LMP I am about 6 weeks 3 days, but based on the Ultrasound last week, I may be more like 5 weeks 5 days. In any case, I am sticking with LMP until my doc formally changes my due date. So here we go. This is what Baby is up too or what s/he will be up to by weeks end.

"Growing like crazy, baby is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and chin. Those little hands and feet- still webbed like paddles- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate"

I had stopped spotting, but started up again on Saturday and needless to say, I had a mini breakdown. I can't explain why I get myself so worked up about this. I think had we gone to the u/s on Thursday and seen more than we did, I would be fine, but since we didn't I freaked out. Zig was out of town and so was my mom, so I was very grateful for Mom and Robert. They kept me company and kept my mind from running to every possible negative situation. Also to my book club girls, with out even knowing it, they made me feel so much better(although it could have had something to do with the delcious fondue we ate too!)

I did talk to the doctor on call and she said that I should not be worried, it could be from a number of things from the fact that I had an ultra sound last week, to maybe the embryo has finally implanted and that can cause some spotting. She said as long as it is not heavy and I have no cramping, I should just relax. I spoke to my new BFF Pamela, who is my doctors nurse, this morning and she ordered some bloodwork for me to do. Apparently my doctor is off this week, what luck, but Pamela said she wouldn't do an u/s till next week anyway. The blood work is to test my Hcg level, basically the "pregnancy hormone." For the first few weeks you are pregnant, these bad boys will double every 48 hours, and then at some point they level off. So I went this afternoon for my first test, then I will go back on Wednesday for my second just to make sure everything is doubling like it is supposed to. So I should know more on Wednesday. She said to just keep an eye on the spotting (which continues today) and relax! If I am in fact going to have a m/c there is nothing I can do to stop it. I am staying optimistic, we are still in this game! I am not giving up this easily and this baby is MINE to keep...Anyway, please keep us in your prayers!

1st ultrasound...

Well, we had our first ultrasound today and it wasn't really what we had expected. First of all, we knew there was a chance that we were not as far along as we thought we were. We also didn't really know what we were going to see today. So to start from the beginning. We got to the ultrasound thinking we were about 5 weeks 6 days. We thought we were going in to get some reassurance that everything was fine, and we got very little to ease our minds. The tech got busy doing her thing and we were able to see the gestational sac and what I learned later from my doctors nurse, a yolk, however there was no embryo in the sac. At that point everything got a little hazy and I immediately assumed the worst. I don't really remember anything that the tech said after that. All I could think of was that I had a blighted ovum (or an empty sac) or that the baby stopped growing earlier this week, basically this was the end of baby. Thank God Zig was there. After looking more at the size of the sac and taking some measurements, the tech determined the sac was measuring more like 5 weeks 1 day, therefore, she did not think it was unusal that she couldn't find the embryo. She said that is why she does not like to do ultrasounds that early in the pregnancy and that just because she didn't see it now, doesn't mean I am not pregnant.

It is so weird because I knew going in that we may not see anything, but when it happened I immediately got scared. This is something that we have wanted for so long, I was scared that something was going to happen to take it away. All the crazy pregnancy hormones don't really help.

So when I got back home (I decided to work from home today), I called the medical hotline at my doctors office and with in an hour got a call back from the nurse. She said that I definately should not be worried. That this early in the pregnancy it is hard to really determine how far along a women is because not everyone has 28 days cycles and not everyone ovulats on their cycle day 14. I have been charting my fertility since June so I knew that this was true for me. My cycles range from 28-32 days and I have ovulated as late as CD22, so this made me feel alot more comfortable. Also, she said that the fact that there was a yolk should be reassuring as well. The doctor will likely order another ultrasound for either late next week or the following to make sure the baby has grown from today. She also ran some blood work yesterday, so I am hoping when she gets the results my betas and hcg levels will show as being on track.

So long story short, we are ok. I am still scared and worried, even though it is normal, but I have the most amazing and supportive husband who has really helped me a lot over the past few weeks. I have been having a roller coaster of emotions and he is so patient. I couldn't not be more lucky. And another special thanks to our moms. Sorry for calling in tears and scaring you half to death. And thank you for just easing our minds and letting us vent or worries. I just don't know any better and for some reason, moms always know how to make it better. I love you all! Please keep us in your prayers.

Sorry for the long post, I told you it wasn't always going to be puppy dogs and rainbows, but these are the things that make us stronger...

1st appointment

Well we just got back from our first appointment. Things went really well. I think Zig was a little overwhelmed because they basically spent the whole time asking us a billion questions about our genetic history. Overall I am really glad he came. It gave him the chance to meet the doctor and make sure he is as comfortable with her as I am. Plus, it is always good to have a second set of ears in there to ask questions you may not think of otherwise.

We did have a little bit of a scare last night. When I came home from work yesterday I noticed I was spotting a little bit and cramping, as well. It wasn't so much cramping, as tightness in my belly. Luckily, I had read up about my pregnancy way before I even got pregnant and I knew that this was common. Still, it was really hard for me to reassure myself that everything was ok. You can tell yourself that if it does happen, that you will stay calm, but when the time comes, it isn't that easy. Anyway, the doctor said that it was normal and she checked my cervix to make sure it was still nice and closed, which it was. She did order ultrasound to give us more reassurance. She said she was not concerned, but I think she has the mentality that it will ease her patients mind just to have visual that everything really is OK. I feel so much better and haven't had any more spotting since last night, so we know all is A-okay. It is pretty exciting that we will get to see the "baby" tomorrow. It is still too early to see the heartbeat, and really all that we will likely see is the gestational sac, but that is enough for me to be a believer.

As for my due date, it is still based on my LMP. It will be that way till baby and my uterus get a little bigger, but as of right now we definitely have a little Turkey in the oven. Due date is still 11/27, so that puts us at 5 weeks 5 days! How exciting!