Seriously. Looking back to last Monday, I am truly amazed how much we have all grown together. So far Emily has been a really really good baby. I am still waiting for the hurricane to hit. She is still in a very sleep stage. It's like you worry if they cry and fuss and you worry if they don't. Right now she doesn't. We still are having to wake her every 2-3 hours to feed her and still checking to make sure she has enough wet diapers so we know she is eating enough. It has been really challenging to feed her because I am constantly trying to wake her to make sure she is getting what she needs and not sleeping through meals. Every day, the amount of time she is alert is getting more and more. Today she actually took a meal and stayed awake till the next meal. She just hung out with dad, while I went to run some errands. I am not going to lie. I needed to get out of the house. Not to get away from her, just to get some fresh air. I am still too scared to take her anywhere with me. Anyway, she did really well last night. I have been setting my alarm so I know when it is time to feed her at night and it seemed like whenever it was time, I could hear her starting to fuss in her crib. It is almost a relief to hear her on the monitor, because then I don't have to wake her from a deep sleep to feed.
One of the things Zig and I were pretty firm on before Emily came was that we really wanted her to sleep in her crib. Her room is right next door and we literally had no room in our room for a bassinet or pack and play. Bed sharing is also not an option. Zig is a very deep sleeper and we are both worried we may roll over on her. Everyone laughed and wished us luck on that. Even the first day home, it took everything in me to not ask to borrow my moms pack and play for a few weeks. I am really glad we have stuck to this so far. I am not saying that we won't adapt if it is not what is best for our family, but right now, it works really well. She is a relatively quiet sleeper, but I know that any noise she made that is too quite to be picked up on the monitor, would wake me from the dead in a panic if she was in our room. I think we would sleep less and worry more often. I am not going to lie though, there are times when I leave the video monitor on and just stare at her for several minutes to gain comfort that she is ok, but it is going really well so far and I hope we can keep it up.
As for feeding, other than the waking to feed and worring that she is not getting enough, it is like night and day from a week ago. A week ago, I was still using the shield. I decided one day that we just needed to wean off of it because I knew she wasn't nursing as efficeintly as she would be if we didn't use it. It was not as hard as I thought. And everyday, I am getting better at the different positions to feed her in. It seemed so hard at first and I thought I would never catch on, but we are doing good. I was literally at my wits end and ready to just start pumping to feed her, but now I am getting a good routine down. Night time feedings are hard. I have to wake her up if she is asleep and we literally try everything to try and make sure she gets a full feed in. I undress her, rub her feet, her back, her hair. I try and burp her or change her, and have even used a cool cloth, but she sleeps like the dead. It sometimes takes me an hour just to get her to nurse for 15 mins. The ped said as long as she gains her weight back at the next appointment, we will no longer have to wake to feed. I am sure by that time, she will up all night instead of sleeping. Kidding (I hope!). What I do know is, she seems to be eating much more efficiently now. It would take her over an hour to eat before and now she is down to about 15-25 mins.
I feel so much better. Last week, I couldn't get off the couch and all I could think was I would never be able to do this by myself when Zig goes back to work. Slowly I try and do more by myself. I getting pretty good at doing things one handed now. I also got some reference books to help ease my mind. I still worry a lot and I honestly don't think that will go away any time soon, but it has gotten better. Physically, I feel great. Even though I am getting up every couple of hours, it is almost like I am used to the broken sleep since I was getting up to pee a hundred times a night before anyway. I let Zig sleep through the night feedings, mainly because there is nothing he can do. I wake up, start to feed her, if she falls asleep I change her, and then try and feed her again. It doesn't make sense to wake him up in the middle of her feeding when I am capable of changing her myself.
Let's talk Zig. He is amazing. He has been so helpful and supportive. I was really emotional the first few days home and he was so good at comforting me and easing my mind. And he makes a mean sandwich. :) I let him sleep at night and he helps me so much during the day. He watches the baby while I shower and get ready and makes sure I am eating enough and nutriously. I love him more and more every day.
I am looking forward to next week now. I am sad that Zig has to go back to work Monday, but so excited because my sister is coming into town on Wednesday for an entire week. It will be so good to spend that time with her, since she won't be here for Christmas this year. This is the first year I have not spent the holiday with her and I am so sad about that. I am already counting down the days till next Christmas.
Sorry for the long posts. Ok so here are some pictures from the last week. I still haven't gotten them off of my fancy camera, so the quality isn't great because the are from my phone. Enjoy!
Emily is 1 week 2 days old.
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